Imagine that you have a best friend who has recently been in a relationship, totally head over heels for his or her partner. It’s an absolute case of lovesickness for them. You cannot be happier for your bud however, lately, you have noticed that the person they love with all their being has a toxic trait of being short-tempered. Every now and then your best friend becomes a victim of this god-forsaken habit.
You, being the good friend that you are, don’t want to break that glass image for your friend. So, you notice whether they notice the same or not and much to your surprise, they don’t! When you confront them, they behave as though they don’t see any toxicity in their partner’s behavior and instead believe that accepting them just the way they are is true love, even is it means enduring harmful behavior.
Sad right? What would you do? Won’t you recommend a breakup? Won’t you ask them to see that this is wrong? Won’t you get frustrated if they don’t?
Now, what if this person who is in love and the one with the toxicity is the same person? What if it’s you?
Though people of our generation are pretty bold and strong for the world outside, on the inside we are all riddled with anxiety and self-doubt. No matter how self-sufficient we show ourselves to be, deep down we are always craving for approval. Waking up every day and trying to mold ourselves to “match the vibe” is all we can think about sometimes.
And then something called “self-love” came around. Suddenly all our self-doubt took a backseat and we started hitting the open roads with this newfound confidence.
But somewhere along the journey, we forgot the true essence of loving ourselves. Give this a thought – how many of us have avoided changing a peculiar habit of ours by convincing ourselves “bro, I love myself the way I am”? I know I have! A lot of times.
When you really love someone, you want them to get better every day. You want them to be the kind of person people look up to, don’t you? That is true love. That is selfless care.
Life is brutal. No matter how much we ignore our flaws and try to drive right past them, it is going to throw those flaws in your face time and again and hit you in your deepest insecurities. The worst part, it gives no explanations.
You must have noticed that certain situations arise in our lives again and again. No matter how much we try to run, they follow us like a shadow. Ever focus on why that happens? They occur to bring about a change in you. To make you break your shell of comfort and flap your wings.
The point I am trying to make is that lately, we’ve forgotten that life is a journey of constantly improving ourselves. You don’t have to match anyone else’s vibe or criteria of a FUN personality. You just need to focus on becoming a better version of yourself every day.
In the warmth of “I love myself the way I am”, don’t. I repeat, do not embrace your toxic traits. Our habits become our home and let’s face it, who wants to leave that comfort. Before anyone else breaks it for us, it is our own responsibility to take a good hard look at ourselves and see eye to eye with our worst traits. We cannot change anything as long as we live in denial.
Here is a little fun activity you can try:
Try putting in all your behavior patterns in another person and think, “Will I ever date someone like that?”. Detaching your negativity from yourself will give you a clearer view.
The big question now is ‘So is this whole “Love yourself” nothing but a big lie’?
The answer is, absolutely not.
A simple change of hairstyle leaves us exhausted. In no way changing our deepest and dearest habits is going to be easy. It will be the toughest, most brutal journey ever with tears and bloodshed (not literally, yikes!). It will take all you have got.
In this internal struggle, you need someone to reassure you that no matter how painful it may seem right now; you are worth it. You deserve it. You owe this to yourself.
And in this journey whenever you feel like you are failing, remember to care for yourself.
Another bit of advice, never ever change yourself for someone. The only person who deserves this mountainous effort from you is you.
This is what they mean when they say embrace yourself. Because everyone has their notion of good and bad, black and white and you were not born to fit yourself in their mold. Make your own beautiful mold.
Just try to be better than who you were yesterday. You are your own rival and cheerleader in this game of life.
In the end, I would just want you to sing at the top of your voice and in your tunes
“But there’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are”
Remember to keep loving yourself and making yourself worth that love.
All my love and support to you
– Just another human fighting her own battles
Author – Sakshi Singh
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